THE FRENCH LAUNDRY: BEST THING SINCE POP ROCKS

Oakville, CA

The French Laundry: A glass of Gaston Chiquet Blanc de Blancs d'Aÿ, Grand Cru MV

Every special occasion begins with a glass of bubbly, but not every special occasion includes a 17-course meal at The French Laundry. There was just this one, teetering at the pinnacle of eating.

Chef Thomas Keller's welcoming tidbit for every visitor to The French Laundry or Per Se (his New York restaurant) is a tiny ice cream cone. At least it looks like one, but it's really a savory salmon and creme fraîche morsel, intended to make even the most terrified diner smile.

For me, it was the first hint that Chef was going to change my whole experience of eating. I anticipated the explosive flavors, the satisfying color combinations and perfectly tweezed presentations, but it was his artistry with texture that caught me completely unawares. This wee cone, and every dish that followed it, combined creaminess, crunch and crisp crackle in a way that made me stare off into the distance contemplating what was happening in my mouth -- the biggest food surprise since Pop Rocks. Every dish, 17 times, a perfect marriage of sensation.

Our ice cream cones arrived at two minutes before 7:00, and the surprises kept coming, one after the other, for five hours. Could he outdo himself 17 times? Why, yes, yes, he could.

*One note about photos: We were dining happily al fresco, so the lighting morphed over the evening. My apologies for this variation.

CHILLED SUMMER VEGETABLE CONSOMMÉ

Summer Squash Confit, Garden Tomatoes and "Fines Herbes"

"OYSTERS AND PEARLS"

"Sabayon" of Pearl Tapioca with Island Creek Oysters and White Sturgeon Caviar

WILD SCOTTISH SEA TROUT

Brokaw Avacado Purée, Garden Radishes and Frisée Lettuce

APPLEWOOD SMOKED ALBACORE TUNA

K&J Orchards Peaches, Aji Dulce Peppers and Cilantro

That's only four courses. How ya holding up?

CHARCOAL GRILLED SAN FRANCISCO BAY WHITING

Caper Mayonnaise and Nasturtium Leaves

HEN EGG CUSTARD

with a Ragoût of Périgord Truffles

Yes, that's a real eggshell. One guy's job is prepping these shells, smoothing the lip and cleaning them. "Custard" does nothing to describe the exquisite creamy interior covered with a swoon-worthy broth. That is a potato chip, elevated to the heady level of high cuisine, paper thin, the perfect crisp foil to the super smooth custard. I'm still wondering how they got that chive embedded inside.

"FLEUR DE COURGETTE FARCIE"

Charred Eggplant "Béchamel," Pine Nuts and Fino Verde Basil

SALAD OF HAWAIIAN HEARTS OF PEACH PALM

Toasted Cashews, Garden Shiso and Sour Apple-Avocado Pudding

We're just over halfway through. 

Last month, Chef Keller was on NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. He explained his theory that revolutionized the American restaurant scene when he opened The French Laundry 20 years ago. 

"The more you have of something, the less you like it. So we want to give you just enough that when you've had that last bite, you go, god, I wish I had a little more. And then you say no, you can't."

It works. As an attractive waitperson took away each dish, I watched after the empty vessel longingly until they had whisked it through the door and out of sight. Noooo!!!!

"ROUELLE" OF DOVER SOLE

La Ratte Potato Purée, Garden Radishes, Meyer Lemon Confit and "Pommes Maxim's"

SAUTÉED FILLET OF MEDITERRANEAN JOHN DORY

Stewed Sunchokes, Roasted Beets and Sicilian Pistachios

I had this, while those who foolishly failed to declare shellfish allergy had lowly Sweet Butter Poached Maine Lobster. 

Now, we moved on to course eleven, and things just kept escalating.

"MACARONI AND CHEESE"

"Hand Cut" Macaroni, Applewood Smoked Bacon, Romaine Lettuce, Parmigiano Reggiano

Oh, yum. BUT WAIT! There's another ingredient to add.

That's a wafting Australian Black Winter Truffle, mid-shave.

Chef does not scrimp on truffles.

[ alas, someone forgot to take a picture of her favorite dish ]

WOLFE RANCH WHITE QUAIL

Toasted Quinoa and Broccoli "Porridge" with a Sunny Side Up Quail Egg 

and Brentwood Corn "Velouté"

The toasted quinoa added the most enchanting bursting crunch, like those little red roe eggs that hide in my mouth after I eat sushi, filling me with utter joy when I discover one long after the last bite.

Behold! Perfection. (And mushrooms that made me weepy.)

SNAKE RIVER FARMS BEEF SIRLOIN

"Champignons a la Grecque," Celery Root Confit, Garden Turnips and Manzinilla Sherry "Bouillon"

This is when Chef graced us with a visit to say hello to our hosts, John and Lindsey.

The gracious kitchen wizard himself, Chef Thomas Keller, with John and Lindsey.

As promised, our extravaganza ended with "a series of desserts."

"VACHERIN"

Peach Sorbet, Basil, Garden Blossoms and French Meringue

Other sweeties, Délice de Bourgogne, which is the most shockingly wonderful thing ever made with figs, Toast-flavor ice cream (not kidding) and Rocky Road, a flourless chocolate cake, which needs a name more descriptive, like "your-life-is-now-complete cake" or "the-cake-that-ruins-you-for-all-other-cakes cake." There was something mysterious and non-liquid served in an espresso cup, intended (apparently) to make me look foolish for trying to sip it. There were macarons, gelées, and so many more things than I could get around to tasting, because the 17-year-old Sauturnes was too incredible,  dessert in a wine glass. 

And, though certainly not an afterthought, I will share the wine pairing list here for the oenophiles in my audience.

Gaston Chiquet, Blanc de Blancs d'Aÿ, Grand Cru MV

Jäger, Grüner Veltliner, "Achleiten," Smaragd, Wachau 2011

Lopez de Heredia, "Viña Gravonia," Blanco, Rioja 2004 (aged in American Oak!)

Louis Michel, Chablis, "Vaudésir," Grand Cru, Burgundy 2011

Gaja, Barbaresco, Piedmont 2009 (WOW)

Modicum, Cabernet Sauvignon, "Rutherford," Napa Valley 2004 (Chef's private label)

Château LaFaurie-Peyraguey, Sauternes 1er Cru Classé 1997

And then they gave us each a tin of cookies to tide us over until we got home.

Finally, I mention that I have faithfully transposed all of the restaurant's own "quotation marks" for which I have no defense other than that, despite all my editorial training, I trust The French Laundry completely.

CHEERS, Y'ALL!