Saturday, February 18, 2012


Coconut Grove, Miami, FL 25º43.533N | 80º84.321W

[two hearts]

It seems my Valentine's message struck a bit of a chord. Several readers have reported actually buying the book, and I suspect that indicates we have even more silent partners.

So, in the spirit of being in this relationship thing together, I'm going to post occasionally about the process and our progress.

First, I'd like to remind you that relationships are like houses. You can't just move in, turn on the TV and sit on the couch. Okay, you can do that sometimes, and most of us do it for the first several years, but then, the paint starts to chip, the roof begins leaking, and the grass grows up past the windows choking out all the light. You get the idea. Relationships, like houses, need maintenance, good old hard work.

Sure, you could just move to another house (the equivalent of finding a new relationship), but if you don't learn the lessons in the first house, the whole process will repeat in the next house. See, the problem is not the house. It's you. And me. So, let's get to work.

The first exercise in the book (Getting the Love You Want) is called Your Relationship Vision, which is a list of statements, true or false, about your perfect house, um, I mean relationship -- imagining you've already done the work.

Each of you makes a list of statements, such as, 'we solve our differences peacefully and respectfully, etc,' then you combine the two lists using only the ones you both agree on.

Easy? Well, we had a terrible row about it. We couldn't even agree on what the exercise meant. A classic power struggle lasting two entire days.

We toughed our way through (we had to do the entire exercise twice, once for each interpretation of how to do it) and came up with one list I now call "How Awesome We Are."

The book then suggests you read the list at least once a week to remind yourself how awesome you are, the concept being that as you meditate on what you both want, it becomes imbedded in your subconscious. In a practical sense, it is a pleasant focus on what's positive rather than on the negative.

When we first made our list, I felt like it was mostly fiction. At least half of the statements seemed fanciful if not impossible. But, you know what? As the weeks have passed, and we've plowed through the exercises, more and more of those awesome statements ring absolutely true.

It's remarkable and infinitely hopeful.

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